So last night after everything he said, “Ninety-six.” He then picked up his phone and entered the number into his note app. I told him, “I don’t want to know so please keep it to yourself.” He said, “We are counting together so one day you don’t tell me that I’ve exaggerated the number.” I said, “What will I do with such information that I will fight over it? I don’t want to know. It’s you who want to know so stop bothering me with it.”
This is the fight we’ve been having right from the beginning of our marriage. We got married six months ago after being together for one and a half years. We knew right from the beginning that we were not going to get intimate before marriage. It’s a promise he made and I held on to it.
I wasn’t sure about dating him so I kept saying no to him. He bought me a gift and took me to interesting places all in a bid to get me to say yes to him but I ended up saying no. He asked, “What do I have to do again for you to trust me?” I said, “You don’t have to do anything. The problem is not you. It’s me. You’re a good friend but I’m not sure I will like to date you.”
One day he asked about my fears and I told him. I said, “The way we are now it’s good. I don’t want anything to change it but immediately we get into a relationship, things will start to fade, especially when you’ve got what you want.” He felt bad when I said he will change after getting what he wants. He said, “So you think that’s what I want? To sleep with you and disappear?” I said, “I didn’t say that. It’s your own word. You guys are like that.” He got angry for days. I apologized for misjudging his intentions. When he finally came around, he said, “If that’s your fear, then we can hold on to that unit we are married.”
I asked, “Are you serious about that?” He said, “Try me.” I said, “What if I say yes, and tomorrow you begin pressuring me for it. I’ve seen some before. It didn’t well.” He said, “You know too much and that’s becoming Your problem. Don’t judge me based on someone’s actions or inactions. I’m different. My name is Oscar. I have different parents and I was raised differently from the guys you’ve met. It’s wrong to look at me through the same filter.”
I said yes to him.
Six months later, I was so sure of him that I wanted to give it all to him. He said, “Number one will be on our honeymoon. That’s when I will start counting.” He didn’t give it and I didn’t ask for it again. I had my first kiss the day after he had come to perform the knocking rite. Few months after the knocking rite, we had our traditional wedding and later had our wedding.
It wasn’t easy on our honeymoon. I thought I wouldn’t wake up to see the morning light. All night, this guy was on me. I asked him, “What did you drink?” He said, “Nothing. I’ve reserved all my energy for today.” That was when I noticed the counting. After the first ‘action’, he said, “Number one has gone down. Many more to go.” After the second, he said the same thing again, “Number two has gone down. Waiting for number three.” All night, he counted. Even quickies had their own number. It was funny at first. I thought it will end on the honeymoon but it didn’t. That’s when the fun lost on me.
Every night and day, after the action he’ll give me a number report.
I asked him, “So you’re going to continue doing this all our lives together?” He picked his phone and said, “Come and look at something.” He wasn’t only saying it verbally. He was also writing the numbers down on his phone. I said, “What’s the use?” He said, “I don’t think any person has ever done that before. Footballers retire with the number of goals written on their records. That’s what we are doing. We are setting a record.” I said, “Men are going to the moon. Soon they’ll conquer the sun for the record. You’ll die one day and your record will be the number of times you had action with your wife? You better stop it before you embarrass my memory.”
He wouldn’t stop. The sad thing is, now I’m also counting involuntarily. After he gets down, my mind will recite the number to me even before he says his. I don’t want that. I want him to stop. Sometimes I sit there and begin to think about the number and I ask myself, “Are we doing too much or we are doing too little?” This is not something to think about but every now and then it pops up in my head and I feel embarrassed about it.
Is it not weird? Is it not creepy for a husband to do that?
Last time I asked my friend Abigail who had been married for three years. I asked, “How many times have you done it with your husband?” She looked at me funny. She said, “Are you getting crazy? Who has the time to count that?” I answered in my head, “The man God gave me has all the time in the world to count.”
How do I get him to stop?
It sounds like a joke. Actually, he makes it look like a joke but when I see the commitment he’s putting to it, I begin to wonder, “On judgment day, is God going to ask us the number of times we put to use the organ he gave us?” I doubt he will. I want him to stop counting so my mind can be set free from following the number as though it’s a lotto forecast.