After we got married, we made arrangements for me to move to the city to live with my husband. When I moved in with him, all my dreams were to be a better wife and also create an environment where I could enjoy my marriage. That dream didn’t materialize. It didn’t because of my mother-in-law. In fact, she made it a point to destroy everything that gave me happiness, no matter how little that happens maybe. As soon as I moved in, she started mounting pressure on us to give her a grandchild; “We didn’t marry you so that you will just come and spend my son’s money. Give us grandchildren.” If I did something she didn’t expect me to do, she will say something like, “If you had your own children by now, you wouldn’t do what you are doing.” She made life miserable for me but I endured it. What made it worse was the fact that my husband was on her side. He stood aside and watched while his mother maltreated me.
Finally, I got pregnant. My smiles got bigger. The joy in my heart flowed like a ceaseless stream. I kept the news to myself, thinking, “Later, I will take them by surprise with the news.” My in-law kept maltreating me and kept pushing me to the edge with insults and verbal abuse.
I woke up one morning and I felt a bit wet. I went to the bathroom and I saw blood. I rushed to the hospital and the doctor confirmed that I had a miscarriage. The pain of losing my first pregnancy was unbearable. I grieved for days. I coiled in my grief. Months later, I got pregnant again and again, I had a miscarriage. I had many more episodes of miscarriages. She switched her game from just giving me pressure to giving me an ultimatum; “We don’t want anything to do with a barren woman. Our family is a very fertile one. I won’t allow you to let my son waste good genes and keep watering barren fields. I give you up to the end of the year, if we don’t hear the cry of a baby, we will send you back to your family”.
My husband sat there and watched as his mother descended on me. He didn’t blink an eye. That day, I felt very lonely in my marriage. I knew I had lost my husband. I prayed to God and asked him to give me a child so I could save my marriage.
He became distant and started maltreating me too. I would cry at night, clean my face, remind myself that I made a vow to remain married for better and for worse. Through it all, I remained the wife that I’m supposed to be. At my breaking point, when I felt all hope was lost, I found out that I was pregnant. What a miracle? What a testimony? I couldn’t wait to tell my husband. One evening when he came back, I rushed to meet him. I helped him with his bag, gave him food, and later told him that I had something to tell him. He only nodded his head and went inside.
When he was almost done eating, I pulled a chair, sat by him, and with all the joy, I started “The husband of my youth, darling. I know this marriage has not been as easy as we wished it to be but I want to thank you for being here and sticking around. God has done it for us. He has answered our ultimate prayer and has blessed us with a child. I am sorry I kept it from you this long because I wanted to pass the stage I usually miscarry so I don’t give false hope. But finally, we are having a baby!!!” I screamed and threw my hands up in the air with my eyes closed. I was expecting my husband to throw himself at me for an embrace but when I didn’t feel anything after several seconds, I slowly opened my eyes to see my husband eating away. Not bothered. “Darling, did you hear what I said?” “Yes, good for you,” he replied.
I got broken.
My husband became very abusive towards me, both physically and verbally. It didn’t make sense until I found out the truth behind his actions. His mother had pushed him back to a lady he was once dating and as at the time I was telling him about my pregnancy, the said lady was also pregnant for him.
When he realized that I’d found out the truth, he intensified the abuse. I had no other option but to run away from my matrimonial home to the home of my parents. I could not afford to miscarry again so I left to save my unborn child. I never went back. Not as though he was expecting me or did anything to have me back. That was ok. I had my peace and that was enough.
It’s been four years since I gave birth. She is a girl. She had become my everything. He’s the father of my child and I can’t do anything to have that changed. So I’ve allowed him into the life of the kid. She knows him as a father and he knows her as a daughter. It ends there. We are still separated, for the sake of my sanity and that of my little girl.
I recently learned that he is living with the lady he got pregnant with, but frankly, I don’t care. I just want to be free from this nightmare of a marriage. The only thing that has prevented me from seeking a divorce is that I am a Christian. I know that God hates divorce and I’m not ready to do what God hates but I’m really tired. Does God ever forgive when you divorce your partner?