The first day I proposed to her she said no. She didn’t give any reason for saying no so I thought I still had a chance. A month or so later, I went to her again, selling her a dream of a better tomorrow. Again, she said no. I asked, “Belinda, why do you keep saying no to me?” She said, “Because I’m not ready to date anyone. I don’t want any ‘wahala’ in my life.” I said, “You know me. You’ve known me for a very long time. Do I look like someone who will bring you problems?” She said, “All the guys I dated didn’t look like they’ll bring me problems but, in the end, they did.” I said, “I’m different. Just try me.”
That conversation didn’t change her mind. She maintained the no. But I wasn’t ready to give up on her. I was jobless when I fell in love with her but I didn’t go forward. I knew she will say no to me because I wasn’t working so I stayed friends with her. We went to church every Sunday and we sat together. After church, we both walked to the roadside and picked a car. I was trying to be closer to her so I could strike when situations are right. God being so good to me, I got a job. A man with a job is a man enough so I started chasing after her.
A few weeks after the second no I went to her again, reminding her of my proposal. This time I was in her house. She looked at me and said, “Godwin, you’ve been a good man, that’s the more reason why I don’t want to date you. The way you see me, I’m not like that ooo. When I talked about ‘wahala’ the other time, I wasn’t talking about you bringing me ‘wahala’. I was talking about me giving you problems because I’m a walking problem. Just find a good girl who will stay true to you. I’m not that kind of girl.”
I thought she was saying something just to push me away so I persisted. After all, when you love a girl, you pursue ceaselessly until all hopes are exhausted. I had hopes in Belinda. I knew she loved me too but something was holding her back. I was determined to take her away from whatever was holding her back. One day she told me, “See, the last time I gave my heart to a guy, he made a mess of me. I loved too deep that when things ended it broke me into pieces. Currently, I don’t love. I don’t date. I go for the benefit. I hope you know what I’m talking about?”
I didn’t want to assume so I asked her to explain. She said, “There’s a man in my life now. I don’t love him. He’s even married. He provides for me. If there’s something I need and I tell him, the next minute, he’ll provide it. He has money. That’s the only reason I’m with him. You see why I told you I’m not the girl you’re looking for? Yeah, you’re a good person but I can’t date you. I’ll cheat on you and you don’t deserve that.”
I asked, “Is that the only man you’re seeing? She said, “Currently, yes.” I said, “No problem, I still want to be with you. After all, that man is for a reason I understand. If you give me a chance, maybe I will do enough to prove to you that you don’t need that man.” She laughed. I said, “I’m serious.” She said, “Then Godwin, you don’t love me as you want me to believe. No man in his right senses will agree to share the woman he loves.” I said, “I love you but unfortunately someone is already in your life, temporary. I’m ready to compete.”
She looked at me like a mad man. She asked, “Say the truth. What do you want? Just be upfront with me. You want sex?” “No, it’s you I want,” I answered.
I still got a no that day. I decided not to chase after her again though we remained friends. After that conversation, our friendship deepened. She called me every day and I visited her whenever I could. She didn’t visit me because she was scared I will do something to her. After church service one day she asked, “Were you serious when you said you want to be with me though I had someone else?” Months had passed since that conversation so I was surprised she was bringing it back again.
I said, “Yeah I was serious. I don’t know but something tells me I can convince you to change your mind about that man. At some point, you’ll see the need to have your own man and I want to be there when that time comes.” She said, “If you’re serious, I can give us a chance and see what the future looks like.” I asked, “Are you saying yes to me now?” She said, “That’s if you haven’t changed your mind.” I should have been happier but I felt indifferent about it. I asked her, “So what changed?” She said, “I’ve thought about it and I see reasons in what you said. So, let’s do it.”
That was one and a half months ago. Currently, she’s all over me calling me sweetheart and all. Don’t get me wrong, I love her too but I feel like I negotiated for more than I can deal with. I’ve had time to think through the whole thing without the clouds of emotions and I’ve realized that It’s not a good deal. I’m twenty-five years old. Life has just begun for me. I need stability so I need a woman who is emotionally stable and available. I love Belinda but she’s not stable and available. I thought of renegotiating the whole thing with her again. I want her to choose between me and the man. I want to be the only one in her life
But then again, even if she chooses me, I will still have trust issues so I want to let her go. The relationship is new. We haven’t done anything—no intimacy and nothing too deep. How do I do it without pissing her off? I still want her friendship because she’s a good person. I’m confused. Please help.