I had my first affair with a man when I was very young. I knew about sex and though very young I knew what I was doing. He was my class teacher. I knew he wanted me because he made it obvious. I didn’t know what to expect from that kind of relationship he wanted to have with me. I got curious.
One evening, I went to his house and he slept with me. Unfortunately for us, someone who saw me going there at that late hour told my father and he rushed in there to find us naked in bed. The news spread like wildfire and we became the gossips of town. The teacher lost his job and the school found a way of compensating my father so he doesn’t make it a police case.
I had a proper boyfriend when I was fifteen and before I was eighteen, I had dated close to six guys. I was that spoilt child your mother warned you against. A guy had to find me appealing and before he would propose, I had said yes already. At university, I met Thomas. He was very political and knew from year one that he was going to end up being the SRC president.
He knew I was a wild child but he couldn’t get his hands off me. That guy loved me with all he has and was determined to make me right—model me to suit his idea of who a perfect girlfriend was. He was charming. Eloquent. And knew what to say to calm my wild heart. I loved him too but love wasn’t enough to stop me from being that wild child.
Some days we broke up. A week or two later, we would come back together. It was on and off until the school campaign started. He told me, “Everything I’ve done here in this school comes to this moment. I need you to behave so we can win this.” I behaved. Through it all, I was with him until he won the SRC president. Just A week after he won, he left me.
No one in my life left and made me cry but Thomas did. I broke down. I cried. I couldn’t go on for some days. In my mind, the best way to get revenge was to date around and cause controversies for him. I had a lot of boyfriends afterward and even dated his friend just to get back at him but he didn’t care. He had moved on and I was the one hurting myself.
I graduated from school, had a job and started having an affair with my boss. Things went south and I lost my job. Life became very though for me. My parents didn’t want me with them and I was jobless. That was when I decided enough was enough.
I turned a new leaf and became a woman who uses her head instead of following where the wind blew her. It took me two years of living from hand-to-mouth until I met Godwin. There was something about him that reminded me of Thomas. He was calm and assured. He always knew what he wanted and went directly for it.
He helped me find a job and later proposed to me and I said yes. We were supposed to be very happy afterward. It was the golden moment of our relationship where we give it all out and love like there was no tomorrow but instead, he started questioning me about my past.
It started with a very innocuous question; “Before me, who was your boyfriend?”
I laughed it off. I thought it was some sort of a joke so I answered, “I can’t remember. It’s been so many years.” He said, “You can’t remember because you had a lot of them?” That was offensive but I kept my calm and asked, “Who told you there were many?” He started bombarding me with questions and all of them bordered on my past.
“At what age did you have sex?”
“Who broke your virginity? Do you still talk to him?
“How many boyfriends have you had?”
“Which of your ex you wish you were still with him?”
“Have you gotten pregnant before?”
A lot of these unnecessary questions so I asked him, ”What do you need these answers for?” “You are my girlfriend, so I should know where you’ve been so I know where we are going.” He said. That didn’t make sense. I know I haven’t had a beautiful past and I was striving to have a beautiful future. To me, that was the most important thing. Somedays I wanted to lie to him but you know how far lies can go so I kept quiet.
Because I wasn’t saying a lot about my past, he started investigating.
He started from my phone. he would pick my phone somedays when I’m sleeping and go through my messages, emails, call history, browsing history. He would pick up some names and start talking to them. Somedays, he was on my social media pages, reading comments on my photos and picking some hints and asking questions about it. It was getting frustrating.
So one day, I asked him, “What do you want in a woman?” He said a whole lot of things. I asked again, “Do you find those things in me?” He said yes. I told him, “So why is my past so important to you? He said, “I just want to know.” So I took my time and answered every question concerning my past.
“At What age did you have sex?”
“Thirteen. I had it with my teacher.”
“Did he force you?”
“No, he didn’t. Actually, I went to him with the intention of having sex with him.”
“At age thirteen?”
“Yes, at age thirteen.”
He paused. As if my answers had given him a blow he didn’t see coming. I was only frustrated and I didn’t care if he leaves or stays afterward. He asked again…
“So in all, how many boyfriends have you had?”
“Ten? Twenty? I can’t remember but I can start counting with you if you like.”
He thought I was being cheeky. I was actually telling him the truth he had pursued all the way to this point. After everything, I asked him, “Are you happy now?” He didn’t talk. I asked again, “Now that you know, what difference does it make?” He didn’t answer me but I knew we were going to lose the spark in the relationship and it didn’t take too long to show.
He started withdrawing. He started seeing me less and started giving excuses when he had to show up. It didn’t bother me. I was also leaving, that was the only reason why I could tell him all that. We went so many days without talking until one day he called to tell me he believes the two of us can’t work so it’s better we go our separate ways.
We did go our separate ways. I’d moved on and even seeing another person when Thomas showed up again from nowhere; “I made a mistake with you. Things haven’t been the same since you went away.” I told him, “My past has been the same and nothing is changed. I still had sex when I was thirteen. All the numbers of previous boyfriends I’ve had remain the same. You didn’t make a mistake.”
He told me he was going to fight until I say yes to him because I belong to him. “I belong to you?”
To date, he still pursues me. I’ve told him time without number that I’m seeing someone else who doesn’t care about my past. He said, “I don’t mind sharing you with the other person until you make up your mind.